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Stoicism for failure

Shame tells us that a failure is a verdict on who we are. The Stoics treat it as information about what happened and what to do next. This is not a cheap trick of positive thinking: they ask you to look at the failure squarely, take responsibility for your part, and then return to work.

Marcus Aurelius had every reason to feel the weight of failure. He governed an empire through plague and war and wrote notes to himself about doing the next right thing.

Return again

In the Meditations, Marcus advises that if you do not always succeed in acting on your principles, you should not be disgusted or discouraged; when you have failed, return back again, and be content if most of what you do is consistent with a good human life. The emphasis is on the return, not on a perfect record.

A five-minute review

Facts. Write what happened in two or three plain sentences, without adjectives.
Mine. What parts were within my control: preparation, choices, effort, honesty? Own those without excuses and without self-abuse.
Not mine. What was outside my control: other people, luck, timing? Let those go.
Next. Choose one concrete action for tomorrow that a better version of you would take.

The obstacle

The Stoics liked to say the impediment to action can advance action. A setback is also training material: it shows you exactly where your skill, patience or planning is thin. That is useful, even when it hurts.

In their own words

“But when thou hast failed, return back again.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.9 (George Long translation)

Talk it through with the Oracle

Describe what you are carrying and receive a reflection from Marcus Aurelius, Seneca or Epictetus, applied to your situation. Three free consultations a day.

Ask the Oracle about failure

Frequently asked questions

How do I stop feeling ashamed of a mistake?

Separate the act from your worth. Ask what you would say to a friend in your position, then say it to yourself. Make amends where needed and move on.

Is it Stoic to feel regret?

The Stoics valued learning from errors and making amends, but not lingering self-punishment. Regret that leads to a better action is useful; regret that only repeats itself is not.

What is the Stoic attitude to failure and success?

Outcomes are partly outside our control, so Stoics measure themselves by effort and character, not results alone. That makes it easier to keep going after a defeat.